Betty ford says i'm here all night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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