Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
