I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She's JV to your varsity
honey bunches of taint.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
