so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
