He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
