I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
