I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
