It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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