Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
