if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
