my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
