JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So vagazzling was a success
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
