i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
