why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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