remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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