I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
