i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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