he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
