Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this beer tastes like vomit already
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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