One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
