So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
