Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
