i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
