I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
