too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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