so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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