last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We smell like vodka and hangover
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