Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
