I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
