Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
