whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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