Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
