Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
