he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
