I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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