I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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