At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize