I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
