What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
