I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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