vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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