His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
