My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
