After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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