yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
