I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
