i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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