What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
