ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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