I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
