I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
