"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
