I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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