he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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