Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
