I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
