my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
