i already hear my dad disowning me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
