I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
