So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
