It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
