I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
