non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
