Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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