your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
