If i come over, it means nothing
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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