What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
