I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
