The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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