Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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