Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
