Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
