My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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