It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
