Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
