I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
