First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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