Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.