Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I checked into jail on foursquare
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.