Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
