hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?