i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
