He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?