TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.